WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR

Wearily drooping and following Betty,

reading the labels on tins of spaghetti,

old William moved slowly on shuffling feet

and slipped in the basket a pack of Puffed Wheat.

But Betty sighed deeply whilst rolling her eyes

“Oh, how many more times, just find the best buys.

Why can’t you remember, I tell you each week?”

she huffed and she puffed in a great fit of pique.

Poor William dejectedly studied his shoes

while wistfully craving his afternoon snooze.

Betty, his Boudica charged with her chariot,

he dragged behind her - a Judas Iscariot.

Imperiously now she approached the cashier.

‘ Magnificent Mavis’, (whom William holds dear)

he watched delighted, as her swift sleight of hand

covertly switched coupons as previously planned.

She looked up at Betty with cherubic smile

betraying no hint of her secretive guile

and as she presented the totalised bill,

she lifted his heart as she winked up at Will.

Studying closely the price at the bottom,

scornfully Betty said “Look, you’ve forgotten

my discounts! See here, you haven’t deducted

my refunds, they're due as the coupons instructed.”

Hiding a grin Mavis answered her gently,

(Betty frowns deeply and listened intently)

“Please look once again at the expiry date

Today is the tenth, I’m afraid you're too late.”

Betty dumfounded, her arrogance hushed,

her feathers all ruffled, her face swiftly flushed.

“I don’t understand it, I checked them myself”

“I’m sure they’re the ones that I left on the shelf.”

“Come William,” she said, both loud and bombastic,

“The service here’s dreadful,” her tone was sarcastic.

She gathered her shopping and rushed for the door,

“I tell you now madam, you’ll see me no more!”

William and Mavis, confederates in crime,

exchanged knowing glances and smiles most sublime.

“So, Monday we’ll meet once again at the park”

whispers Mavis to William “Oh, what a lark!”

Switching coupons once more she slipped him the cash,

as he, smiling broadly accepted the stash.

The ill-gotten gains that would pay for their spree,

he popped in his pocket while chuckling with glee.